Author Topic: I have the cure! Read here for the guide.  (Read 40185 times)

Ralding

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Re: I have the cure! Read here for the guide.
« Reply #15 on: September 26, 2013, 09:50:09 PM »
Ralding, I really appreciate the information. I will read through it all again, and see if I can start doing daily stretching and relaxing.

Please let us know if you think of anything else that helped.

And let us know if your improvement persists.

Ok yep this is definitely it. I just laid down in bed spent time relaxing the muscles and doing those breathing exercises and strengthening exercises in the above post (I can contract and releax everything very quickly now) grabbed the phone watched some porn and had the most mind bending orgasm it made me feel like i was blacking out for a few seconds. My penis is fully sensitive again. Not only that as I feel orgasm approaching I can do the breathing exercises and relax the abdominal down into my pelvis now and slow the approach of orgasm AND my erection is hard as a rock now too like when I was 18. It's crazy. Armed with this knowledge I reckon I can keep my orgasms and erections strong into old age. I'm ecstatic to say the least. I wanna thank everybody who contributed to this forum and the other forum you gave me so many clues so that I could research this bloody depressing issue. I'd also like to thank Google it's just so bloody handy. If this was the 80's i'd have been screwed.


Ralding

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Re: I have the cure! Read here for the guide.
« Reply #16 on: September 26, 2013, 09:55:14 PM »
Don't for get the soft ball you're going to need it and it's cheap as chips to buy. Also use your hands and really explore your upper and lower abdominals the more I hit my trigger points in there and relax the better everything gets.

bongo

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Re: I have the cure! Read here for the guide.
« Reply #17 on: October 01, 2013, 12:06:53 PM »
hi i havnt really had time to look at all the links youve put as its all a big secret and my partner knows nothing about my condition so i dont get a lot of time on here , i can clentch my buttocks and stop myself urinating but how do i go about relaxing these muscles that i cant see or feel , will i understand these links or will it be like these chakra mumbo jumbo codswallop  theories ? Sorry to ask before ive looked and   tried just wondering if ive got to imagine my inner muscles or whether most are massaged from the outside ? [will my beer belly be an hindrance] and could it be possible to fix these muscles  after 33 years .I definitely believe youve found  the cause though thanks in advance ..

needhelpage31

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Re: I have the cure! Read here for the guide.
« Reply #18 on: October 03, 2013, 10:24:24 AM »
By way of update, I've started doing some yoga most nights. Some of the poses stretch and open the hips, so I see how that could help.

I've tried palpating my belly area. Last night I may finally have found a tense area.

I'm also doing the exercise for anterior pelvic tilt, and several other exercises.

Bottom line: I'm going to give this a try. I hope it can help.

AnotherEAguy

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Re: I have the cure! Read here for the guide.
« Reply #19 on: October 05, 2013, 07:41:27 AM »
I'm going to give Ralding's approach a try too: my symptoms are quite similar to his, and there's a few other additional symptoms I have that make sense in light of what he's discovered: urinary urgency, starting/stopping, weak control over the stream (more of a spray than a stream, i usually have to clean up around the bowl afterwards). Also my legs "fall asleep" within a minute of so of sitting cross-legged and sometimes when just sitting normally - I had assumed this just meant I had poor blood circulation, but it makes more sense that my piriformis has been pinching my sciatic nerve. Intuitively, your approach just seems right, Ralding, and while I don't usually chase a lot of the answers around here I'm going to give this one a good college try: I've already bought an Aneros Helix Classic, and my Body Back Buddy and TP Therapy Hip & Lower Back kit are in the mail, I'm pretty excited to get started. A few things I'm not clear on though: How do I differentiate between knowing if I have 'tenderness' in an area (like Psoas) vs the kind of pain you might expect from jabbing your fingers deep into your pelvic abdomen? I had my wife poke herself around the Psoas similar to how I was doing and she did seem to have less tenderness than me (she's my baseline for what "normal" should feel like). I'm just trying to get a gauge for understanding whether that muscle (or others) are actually bound up or not. My inner thigh definitely is, I know that. It's so tender that I don't even know how I'm going to work on it without extreme pain. As far as the Aneros, I tried it out last night. Like many on here, I have very little sexual sensation in the pelvic area, and this includes the perineum and anus, so the Aneros didn't really feel like much. It went in fairly easily and wasn't uncomfortable to have in (I did 30 min as you suggested), I just wasn't sure what to do at that point, so I just layed there for a while. Should I be squeezing with those muscles, or just diaphramatic breathing or what? Also, any clues on how to release the Obturator internus? I couldn't find much on the web about how to do that. Maybe this?http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Y8VKY5PT0c8
Anyway, I'll be posting updates to my own progress as well. Please check in from time to time Ralding, we really need you!

needhelpage31

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Re: I have the cure! Read here for the guide.
« Reply #20 on: October 05, 2013, 03:41:17 PM »
Yes, Ralding, please stay with us. I would appreciate reading your answers to the above questions too.

Thank you!

TriumphForks

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Re: I have the cure! Read here for the guide.
« Reply #21 on: October 07, 2013, 05:42:52 PM »
Holy shit Ralding. My symptoms match yours exactly.
I will hang onto your every word and see if this works.

Ralding

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Re: I have the cure! Read here for the guide.
« Reply #22 on: October 08, 2013, 03:09:13 AM »
hi i havnt really had time to look at all the links youve put as its all a big secret and my partner knows nothing about my condition so i dont get a lot of time on here , i can clentch my buttocks and stop myself urinating but how do i go about relaxing these muscles that i cant see or feel , will i understand these links or will it be like these chakra mumbo jumbo codswallop  theories ? Sorry to ask before ive looked and   tried just wondering if ive got to imagine my inner muscles or whether most are massaged from the outside ? [will my beer belly be an hindrance] and could it be possible to fix these muscles  after 33 years .I definitely believe youve found  the cause though thanks in advance ..

Umm no there isn't any chakra stuff.... It's all basically about physical therapy. I can only do so much mate you're going to have to do some investigating yourself.

Ralding

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Re: I have the cure! Read here for the guide.
« Reply #23 on: October 08, 2013, 03:11:42 AM »
By way of update, I've started doing some yoga most nights. Some of the poses stretch and open the hips, so I see how that could help.

I've tried palpating my belly area. Last night I may finally have found a tense area.

I'm also doing the exercise for anterior pelvic tilt, and several other exercises.

Bottom line: I'm going to give this a try. I hope it can help.

Everybody is going to have different imbalances in the musculature. But I would imagine there will be common threads between all of us. So I'm still makeing good progress but I do have to keep mindful during the day to breathe properly and sit properly and keep things relaxed. Otherwise my body wants to tighten up again. I've done physical therapy before and I know that eventually my body will adjust and learn the new way of doing things.

 

Ralding

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Re: I have the cure! Read here for the guide.
« Reply #24 on: October 08, 2013, 03:17:13 AM »
I'm going to give Ralding's approach a try too: my symptoms are quite similar to his, and there's a few other additional symptoms I have that make sense in light of what he's discovered: urinary urgency, starting/stopping, weak control over the stream (more of a spray than a stream, i usually have to clean up around the bowl afterwards). Also my legs "fall asleep" within a minute of so of sitting cross-legged and sometimes when just sitting normally - I had assumed this just meant I had poor blood circulation, but it makes more sense that my piriformis has been pinching my sciatic nerve. Intuitively, your approach just seems right, Ralding, and while I don't usually chase a lot of the answers around here I'm going to give this one a good college try: I've already bought an Aneros Helix Classic, and my Body Back Buddy and TP Therapy Hip & Lower Back kit are in the mail, I'm pretty excited to get started. A few things I'm not clear on though: How do I differentiate between knowing if I have 'tenderness' in an area (like Psoas) vs the kind of pain you might expect from jabbing your fingers deep into your pelvic abdomen? I had my wife poke herself around the Psoas similar to how I was doing and she did seem to have less tenderness than me (she's my baseline for what "normal" should feel like). I'm just trying to get a gauge for understanding whether that muscle (or others) are actually bound up or not. My inner thigh definitely is, I know that. It's so tender that I don't even know how I'm going to work on it without extreme pain. As far as the Aneros, I tried it out last night. Like many on here, I have very little sexual sensation in the pelvic area, and this includes the perineum and anus, so the Aneros didn't really feel like much. It went in fairly easily and wasn't uncomfortable to have in (I did 30 min as you suggested), I just wasn't sure what to do at that point, so I just layed there for a while. Should I be squeezing with those muscles, or just diaphramatic breathing or what? Also, any clues on how to release the Obturator internus? I couldn't find much on the web about how to do that. Maybe this?http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Y8VKY5PT0c8
Anyway, I'll be posting updates to my own progress as well. Please check in from time to time Ralding, we really need you!

I had the exact same issues with urine urgency and weak control over stream. As the muscles around the pubic bone etc relax you will get a better stream and when you push the urine out of your bladder you feel the muscles thar runs down your abdomincal accross the pubis and into your penis flex with greater range and movment. You will basically squirt the urine out like you used to. This is part of what clued me in to what was goind on. I'm alway keeping note of that ares of my body to see if it's holding tension.

The aneros is a funny thing but basically do not masturbate while you've got it up there it will make things worse for us. You just want to do deep diaphram breathing. nothings too forced and work on feeling your inner pelvis muscles. you'll eventually start to feel it shift and change especially if you're working trigger points and streatching etc. If your legs go to sleep while you sit cross legged you've definitely got loads of tension in your hip flexors and your glutes are most likely weak and not firing properly. The gluts when strong and firing properly pull the inner pelcis muscles back and lengthen them, i found a website of a guy who had similar problems and fixed his issues and he strongly recommended doing squats. I've been doing them for about a week now and they're making a massive difference.

Ralding

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Re: I have the cure! Read here for the guide.
« Reply #25 on: October 08, 2013, 03:38:19 AM »
Look guys it's going to be a journey for you and you're going to have to get intimate with the muscles in your pelvis and hips and buttocks. when I say intimate just take time to feel stretch strengthen and lengthen everything a little everyday. With time you'll start to see muscles shift and change. When it first starts correcting everything starts going a bit crazy muscles start contracting  loosening all over the place. This is good don't be alarmed once things start shifting your on the right path. So what I have found is for me I have a tight groin area and extremely weak (but however heavily contracted gluteus muscles) Because they are contracted all the time they aren't firing properly which is causing the rest of my body to tighten and adjust to compensate to probably make up for my weak core. Start doing squats you can google this. Not with weights!! and google squats with good form. You want to make the glutes fire properly again and adress imbalances. After doing some squats do some stretches of your squats and piriformis (warm up gently first guys and take it easy you cant rush things and you don't want injuries) after doing this for a bit (with correct technique and form) I then moved onto these ones

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wsOTs4UkG0M

They're extremely good but very hard and I had massive weaknesses in my glutes. for some reason doing lots of squats with good technique frees up the lower back and pelvis. Anyway you start working these big muscles the other muscles in the pelvis are going to start to shift and change. when you get into bed at night after exercising lay on your back with your legs up and just breathe and feel all the muscles bring your mind to them and focus on them feel for tension. you'll start to find imbalances.

Anyway with all the information I posted above you should be able to piece together your own separate journeys. When my stuff started shifting and realigning I was getting weird pains in my legs and feet etc. But every day is an improvement. I simply cannot get over the errections and ease of arousal i'm having now too.


So yeah for the record guys I'm still extremely confident this is what is going on for you. We in the west have extremely tight hip flexors and weak glutes its very common and our imbalances ended up in our pelvis and lower abdominal muscles and this in time just made our orgasms weak just like our glutes are weak and our hamstrings are tight etc etc.

Also things might get worse before they get better. That's a normal part of rehabilitation of muscles they go a bit crazy as they start working again. It'll probably be two steps forward one step back for a while but you'll get there.

I just don't know what else to say. I feel like the obstruatror internus muscles is a bitch to stretch but if you start doing everything else and working on your glutes which are connected it'll give way in time and you'll be able to release it. just start waking the pelvis area up with exercise be gentle breathe be patient focus your mind slowly around the pelvis and analyse it carefully so you can feel out your tightness. I'm rambling. But I think it's good for you guys to hear me say this in a million ways so at least some little bit of information I say will come through and give you the clue or spur you on in the right way.

Once again I'm 32 and not too out of shape. If your body is very out of shape and your very stiff GO SLOW get things happening slowly take a little time every day. Don't injure yourselves. I'll keep checking in every once and a while.

As for the Aneros why its so good is cause when it's in you it contacts muscles that you never get to feel properly so you can then get your minds focus on them. It also massages the prostate which is good for it cause its surrounded in muscle. Do they Aneros every few days or once a week. And focus on everything else I've provided. In fact aneros everyday is probably too much.


I'll keep popping in to see how you're going and I'll keep trying to help. I'd love to hear if yo guys make some progress.

Oh yeah again once you get everything going you shouldn't need to be doing reverse kegels too much. I've found that I don't do those anymore because they make it hard to cum. I think if you do everything else that reverse kegels anret the best thing. The lengthen th PC muscle too much. At the start though cause you're so tight there you just need to do them and kegels and stretches and anything you can try to get the muscles to open and lengthen again. when they do it'll be brief and theyll wanna go straight back to being tight again. Next day do it all again. keep focues and they'll open up for longer and longer.


Hope this helps.

Ralding

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Re: I have the cure! Read here for the guide.
« Reply #26 on: October 08, 2013, 03:48:28 AM »
Oh another thing. When laying in bed at night take some time with your knees up (feet near your buttocks) palpate for trigger points in your abs and psoas explore your body. Then relax breathe deeply and calmly and use your mind and focus it on a particular muscles that you think is tight. Just keep breathing and watching that muscles breathe deeply but dont try to force it to relax with the breathe too much you can try but it often doesn't work. I find often that if you just lay there breathing and watching the muscles that's tight with your minds and breathing into it not forcefully they often just magically release. It's like your nervous system goes Oh right that muscles should be like that and woop releases it. at the start I would wake up and they'd be tight again. But now I wake up and they've stayed relaxed.

Get a nice 30 minute routine that you can do each day. some stretches some trigger points and some strengthening exercies. The internet will provide information for good form with exercises. etc. Get this routine sorted so you can do it often then after some time evaluate how it's all going and adjust it accordingly.

Kstat

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Re: I have the cure! Read here for the guide.
« Reply #27 on: October 08, 2013, 08:28:59 PM »
I'd really like to try this and see what happens. I do tend to get stressed out fairly easily, and although I don't always notice it I do think my pelvis muscles are tensed up sometimes because of it. I'm female and think I have the female equivalent of EA. Would that affect any of your advice, Ralding?

Thank you for the in depth explanations, btw. Those will be very helpful.

Ralding

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Re: I have the cure! Read here for the guide.
« Reply #28 on: October 09, 2013, 04:46:09 AM »
I'd really like to try this and see what happens. I do tend to get stressed out fairly easily, and although I don't always notice it I do think my pelvis muscles are tensed up sometimes because of it. I'm female and think I have the female equivalent of EA. Would that affect any of your advice, Ralding?

Thank you for the in depth explanations, btw. Those will be very helpful.

No I believe everything will be along the same lines and your orgasm will be affected in just the same way. You won't need the aneros. You have the advantage of being able to palpate and massage muscles through your vagina I believe pyscial therapists call it inter vaginal manipulation. There is a lot of information on the internet regarding pelvic floor dysfunction that prescribes exactly that. You can also massage the perineum and equivalent of the male muscles. They're similar from what I've seen.

Bill

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Re: I have the cure! Read here for the guide.
« Reply #29 on: October 14, 2013, 09:20:32 PM »
Ralding--

First off, I'd just like to thank you (plus the folks who started this website) for all the info you've posted. For a couple years now, I've sort of flirted with the basic approach you've outlined in so much detail. I've read up on pelvic floor tension (Amy Stein's book, the Wise book, etc.), visited many of the websites you mention, and I even have an Aneros buried deep in my desk somewhere (alas, I apparently haven't spent enough time with it buried in my ass). Just a few weeks ago, I bought a book about the psoas muscle. Bottom line, it's almost uncanny how similar my journey through these sources has been to yours. While during the past couple years I've certainly done some relaxation/stretching exercises and, overall, tried to awaken an increased awareness of pelvic muscles (plus all the related and interconnected muscles you mention), my fidelity to this approach has unfortunately been more theoretical than practical. I've been reading a lot about all this stuff rather than doing the actual work. Why? Well, deep down I think I doubted whether awakening an increased awareness of various muscles and thereby relaxing them would really address my issue. Seeing your detailed posts convinces me that this is the right approach, however, so I am going to embark upon a committed effort to work on this. So, thank you.

Second: I am so excited after finding this site in general and reading your (Ralding's) posts in particular that I am contributing these words of my own far too hastily. I haven't even fully gone through all the info you've provided, much less familiarized myself with this site overall. So, I'm sure there's a much better section where I should be sharing what follows, but I'll offer it here mainly because I'm convinced that the basic cause of my issue is chronic pelvic tension, and that the solution is some version of the kind of practices Ralding describes.

Until I found this EA site (and related discussion forums) a week or so ago, I never considered that my issue was EA. Indeed, my experiences do not exactly match any of the others I've read about thus far, but I still think I'm dealing with the same basic phenomenon many of you are. Here's the deal, and I'll try to be as brief as possible: I am 37 years old, and for the entirety of my sexual life I have thought that for some reason or other I do not experience the "normal" sensation during sexual stimulation and orgasm. When I first started masturbating as a kid, I did so lying on my stomach and dry humping a pillow, and honestly I didn't even realize that what I was doing was masturbating, exactly. More than anything, I was tensing my PC muscles with each thrust, and squeezing my anus. Gradually, a sensation started to build that was sort of like the feeling of having a full bladder or bowels, a kind of slight itching or burning feeling that wasn't necessarily unpleasant, but wasn't overtly pleasant either (the best analogy I can come up with is the feeling of pressing on a sore muscle). Eventually this feeling grew extremely intense for a few seconds. Basically, I was orgasming, but I didn't even realize that's what I was doing (not until later on when I started to notice that ejaculate was actually coming out of my penis). Basically, masturbating in this way allowed me to relieve sexual tension, but the sensations I experienced were not very pleasurable per se. Long story shorter: eventually I tried masturbating in the more traditional manner, and the very first time I did this it felt incredible: a kind of tingling, warm sensation that I instantly knew was the "normal" feeling of sexual pleasure. However, just before I reached orgasm, the other feeling returned (the itching/burning), and the orgasm itself felt like that, rather than being a more intensified version of the tingling/warm feeling. I was able to experience the genuinely pleasurable sensation on maybe a handful of occasions (never during orgasm, though), but basically the other less pleasurable feeling became my default, "normal" experience, and it continues to be so to this day (and it has now been many, many years since I have really felt the deeply pleasurable sensation: basically not since I was a little kid). In retrospect, I think that on those few occasions that I was able to feel real pleasure all those years ago, I was masturbating in such a way that I wasn't habitually tensing my pelvic muscles during the process. Over the years, though, the clenching of the pelvic muscles during sex became so habitual that I wasn't even aware of it until recently! Basically, my PC muscles involuntarily contract practically whenever I touch my penis. They contract and then quickly relax -- it's like I'm constantly doing involuntary kegels during sexual stimulation! In the past couple years I have been becoming more and more aware of this process, and I try to relax as best I can, but thus far the sensation I experience is still not the one I am hoping for. The maddening thing about all this for me has always been that on the surface everything is normal: my erections, my ability to have sex with my partner and ostensibly have a "normal," mutually satisfying experience. And it IS satisfying to a certain extent, because after all these years I've learned, I think, to associate the burning/itching sensation with the relief of sexual tension.

Anyway, the bottom line is that what's different for me compared to all the EA accounts I've thus far read is that it's not like I just feel nothing. But basically I am not feeling an overtly pleasurable sensation. My intuition tells me that I have the exact same thing going on as you, Ralding, but for me it started at the very dawn of my sexual experiences, so perhaps it is even more extreme, and instead of just feeling nothing (a zero), I feel muscle tension (say, a -5) and associate that with the sensation of sexual pleasure. The truth is that deep down I think I gave up many years ago on ever figuring this situation out or doing anything about it. But I am CONVINCED that it is an issue of muscle tightness/control. There just isn't any other explanation. If it was prostate or neurological or whatever, I would certainly have other symptoms by now.

I have remained on the brink of doing anything about this because it seemed so daunting. How locate all these muscles (especially the internal ones that are hard to reach)? But Ralding, your accounts of all this, and the way you've managed to synthesize a lot of the same sources I've been bouncing around between for the past two years, gives me a helpful roadmap.

Apologies for the long message and, again, for the fact that I am posting this without adequately familiarizing myself with the material on this site. I look forward to reading a ton on here in the near future (and to embarking on the path that Ralding describes!).  

Bill

PS -- There's much I left out in terms of other little clues that tell me my issue involves the pelvic and surrounding muscles, but one thing is that my legs fall asleep ridiculously easy, and for a long time I've suffered from what I guess would be considered a mild form of irritable bowel syndrome. I honestly think that the root of this whole muscle tension for me may derive from very early anxiety as a kid about using the restroom and therefore holding it in, etc., etc.
« Last Edit: October 14, 2013, 10:52:33 PM by Bill »