Author Topic: I have the cure! Read here for the guide.  (Read 38002 times)

Ralding

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I have the cure! Read here for the guide.
« on: September 18, 2013, 11:11:16 PM »
Ok, so this is going to be a long post! First a little background:
I'm 32 and have been suffering from ejaculatory anhedonia since I was 25. I went from having great orgasms to 0/10 orgasms. I could always make myself ejaculate - so I can maintain a relationship however I've been feeling next to nothing for about 7 years. It's has from time to time made me quite depressed, especially when watching girl friends have earth shattering orgasms and I have none. I can now experience orgasms again. They are improving all the time within a week I went from 0 out 10 to 5 out of ten and today I had my best yet. Not earth shattering just a normal orgasm that I used to experience when wacking the bat back in the day. I call earth shattering when you’re with a lady and your prostate and whole body is involved that’s a 10 for me. I’m pretty sure you’d be happy with what I grade as a 5 – if you’ve been having 0s, 1s etc.

Let me start by saying this is not a thread about a bunch of supplements that you're going to need to take with stupid doses etc. It's not about raising dopamine levels although I will touch on these topics.

What we are suffering from is a tension disorder - pure and simple. Your muscles in your pelvic floor, hips and abdomen have stopped working in synergy. It will vary from person to person but enough muscles in certain areas of your body have become tight enough to cause the basket of muscles that surrounds the prostate, including the PC muscle to be in a state of contraction which doesn’t turn off. They’ve become fatigued and in turn have lost their sensitivity. This means your pelvic floor rhythm which is like a wave has hit a wall of muscle tension that it can’t get through and thus can’t maintain its proper health.

Things I’ve noticed – Taking amphetamines would make me experience better orgasms slightly the same with weed occasionally. This is not a CURE it just means your nervous system got a jolt and started releasing some tension – temporarily. Once the drugs wear off your body returns to its ‘learned’ tense state again.

Things you’ll need and things I strongly recommend you go out and buy:

1. Aneros Helix – Prostate massager – lot of lube you’re going to use it often
2. Foam Rollers and massage balls The TP brand is by far the best. www.tptherapy.com
3. A softball. Not the hard ones the ones that are a bit rubbery and have a bit of give in them
4. Time, patience and persistence.
I would also recommend you do some yoga, it won’t cure you but it will help. I did it for years and would have slightly better orgasms after training. Then it would go back to normal.
So it’s not just the PC muscles that are the problem. I’ve read these forums and I hear people harping on about it. YES it is very much related but it’s ALL the muscles that need to work together. Start familiarising yourself with the pelvic floor muscles such as the levitator ani, PC, Piriformis. ALL OF THEM. Look at this: https://dl.dropboxusercontent.com/u/7990481/pelvic-floor.jpg
That’s just some. You’ll also need to work on your lower back abdomen and SUPER SUPER important is your psoas muscle which is a pain to massage but once you start getting it you’ll start feeling other parts of your body relax too. I’d recommend a regime for stretching your psoas also.

What I do: I often lube up my thumb and stick it in my anus. I use it to massage and gently stretch the anus. Then I go in a bit deeper and message the pelvic walls a bit. You can use a small dildo to do this too if you can’t reach well. Then I put the aneros helix in my rectum and relax and breathe for half an hour or so. Pay very close attention to what your feeling, which muscles are grabbing the base of the helix and what your pelvic floor feels like. When I first started it was quite uncomfortable. Now I have no problem having it in there and it often feels good.

This is a really big point – you need to do everything I’m talking about mindfully. You are trying to feel and recognize all the muscles you can that are tight once you can feel then you’ll be able to start relaxing them again.

After using the helix. I get the massage ball and foam follers and massage my glutes, psoas, hip flexors, abdomen lower back and around the kidneys, glute medius and minimum, quads, hamstring and just about everything I can find that has a trigger point. I am quite aggressive with this but trust your own judgement. Try not to bruise yourself and be careful when laying on a softball near your prostate In fact just roll around on the left and right of your prostate. Do these things often. Probably ever other day would be a good start. Breathe deeply while using these things and try to relax the muscles. Find the sore spots and sit on them for up to 30 seconds to a minute while breathing deeply. The sore spots are the trigger points that need attention work them out over time be patient.

Now you’ll also need to do these exercises EVERY DAY:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ji5XI-hY4b4

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CoOayJXqvi0&list=PLJnLoI_FnpCvl3DKsdVq7aM57cS2UGvEM

and also come to a full  squat often keep your feet flat on the floor and bring your bum all the way down to the floor like you’re a frog, stretch open your hips and open (without using your arms use the muscles of your legs to spread them out) while breathing deeply.

Read about kegel and reverse kegels you’ll need to do both of them to re-awaken the muscles and get control of them again. You should be doing both of them a lot – Avoid the normal kegels until you’ve relieved some of the pelvic floor tension you already have. Too much clenching will make matters worse if you can’t relax them too. Over time you will slowly lengthen the muscles and the knots will fade.
Play around with the PC muscles while masturbating. Relax and open it and let it tighten while masturbating your looking to regain control over this muscles. Relaxing it a little before orgasm will bring back some of the pleasure you’ve been missing until you have a solid relaxed pelvic foor again and pelvic rhythm. Don't be affraid to try everything you can and don't fear doing things wrong just keep using your intuition and over time the clues will lead you to your tight spots and you'll start doing stuff to relax the pelvic floor and muscles.

IMPORTANT Read this:
http://www.pelvichealthsolutions.ca/for-the-patient/pelvic-floor-muscle-tightness/pelvic-floor-rythm/

and this:

http://www.stephanie-spencer.com/171/the-pelvic-floor/

This could take a long time for some people. It’s a matter of rehabilitation not instant cure. A lot of these muscles that aren’t working surround your prostate are inside you. You’re trying to feel them out and relax them. You’ll have to be mindful and learn to breathe properly with your abdomen again so that they can relax and stay relaxed.
I hope this information helps people as it did me. Thank god for the internet.
Ralding.

bongo

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Re: I have the cure! Read here for the guide.
« Reply #1 on: September 19, 2013, 05:53:19 AM »
where have you been why is this your 1st post , which bits could i avoid ive tried all sorts up my bum its numb up there no feeling at all
« Last Edit: September 19, 2013, 09:46:21 AM by bongo »

lostmojo

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Re: I have the cure! Read here for the guide.
« Reply #2 on: September 19, 2013, 02:23:14 PM »
You say that orgasms were a 0 out of 10 for you. What about general sexual sensitivity and the buildup prior to orgasm?

I personally have very little sexual sensation on the penis, perineum or anus. That is, I am almost completely sexually numb in the entire pelvic region but I do have some limited sensation. There are quite a few of us in this forum that are like me.

It would be useful to know which category you fit into, you had no orgasms but were otherwise normal? Or you were suffering from a general sexual numbness?

Ralding

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Re: I have the cure! Read here for the guide.
« Reply #3 on: September 19, 2013, 06:17:49 PM »
Hi Lostmojo, I had complete numbness. I got no feeling while being stimulated. I could still ejaculate because I believe that's what the pudendal nerver does. I believe that you can trigger the pudendal nerver to accomplish ejaculation without feeling any pleasure. I guess nature is smart doesn't care if you orgasm but nature wants its babies.

Bongo: Sorry yeah this is my first post I've been reading this forum and his and herhealth forum for ages now trying to piece all the clues together for myself and now that i'm making solid progress and am confident in what's happening I thought I would share - sorry.

I am still re-awakening the whole region and I am now feeling pleasure while masturbating again and during sex. It's definitely not as sensitive as it used to be but to be perfectly honest I used to be a premature ejaculator. I would just feel waaaaay too much sensation and would often cum on contact with a female wet spot :) much to my girlfriend of the times dismay and my embarrassment. Once full numbness and desensitization set in I could go for as long as I wanted and then I would cum and feel absolutely nothing. I still wanted sex cause of the idea of it and I’m still attracted to people and well I had libido (which is separate issue) but it didn’t feel like anything.
 
My WHOLE region was tense and had made everything numb. I am now feeling again and can feel pleasure in my penis around the base of the penis and to the side of the penis near the hips.

So there are these superficial muscles that are just under the skin that start near the base of the penis and go up under the skin into the abdomen and accross into the hips. These are the ones that feel good these are the muscles that bring on that lovely sensation of orgasm, mine were numb and they were hardly moving at the time of orgasm basically they couldn't do there job: See this diagram:

https://dl.dropboxusercontent.com/u/7990481/Organs_of_male_pelvic_cavity_medical_specimen.jpg

I was never in pain they were just not working healthily anymore and not moving. Interesting to note these were the LAST muscles to finally relax after relaxing everything else in my pelvic region, When they opened up I actually felt sharp pains and pangs near the base of my penis where I’ve scribbled circles in the picture above. At first I was like what the hell? Then I realised they were getting blood and sensation again and were relaxing. Looking at that picture again don’t underestimate what tight fascia will do. I was massaging my inner thighs hips all those muscles around there that you can see and they were all contributing. Sitting at a desk wearing jeans and wearing belts are TERRIBLE for this whole region. We’re just not designed to wear and do those things and over time the fascia bound up with all the other muscles.

Those muscles and that whole front region is full of muscle fascia not far under the skin they work with the PC muscles but i'm certian there is more to them than just the PC muscles that runs into your pelvis and connects at the anus and the perineum . In me it was all bound up and knotted. However it's only been recently that I've FINALLY been able to release those muscles. They were the last to let go. They’re all connected. They all work together. The psoas was a big one here causing this area grief. It’s the biggest strongest muscle in the body. It really needs to function correctly

Now the place I needed to start was inside my anus and levitator ani muscles. They were tight. Now that I’ve released a lot of those muscles I feel lighter during the day, I feel lighter in bed I feel like blood and nourishment is moving through the area again. They feel relaxed and balances. Well mostly I’m still not perfect. There is a cavity of muscles inside your butt that needs to be relaxed picture an orange with a hole in it. The hole is your anus. The orange is hollow but the skin is a basket of muscles that run in all different direction. The need to all relax and move properly again. I’d say we all have tension and trigger points in there and just don’t know it.
Look at this:
https://dl.dropboxusercontent.com/u/7990481/123787430.jpg

So moving on

Here is a really dodgy picture I have made:

https://dl.dropboxusercontent.com/u/7990481/msucles.png
The circles are the muscles running from the penis down the perineum to the anus and then behind. In me these muscles and the superficial ones just inside the anus and above were not working in synergy anymore. Now when I pinch the penis those muscles move like a wave (though that hardly worked at all when everything was tense). I still have tension often at the red circle which stops the wave dead. Also for me sometimes those muscles can’t move quickly with dexterity like they should sometimes they can now and that’s when everything feels its best. These are the muscles that the aneros helix and becoming mindful will fix. These muscles seem to cause the superficial ones around the abdomen to misbehave probably because of the PC sling muscles that interconnects the whole lot. As I released these I started feeling tension that I didn’t know I had behind the pubic bone. I played with that for ages trying to make it relax. I still have to play with it often. I hope in time to re-train everything.
Breathing. I have to make sure that I breathe properly. Diaphragm breathing must become a way of life again. I’m still learning this and if I get stressed low and behold all the pelvic muscles in me tighten up really quickly again. Some people carry stress in their shoulders some in their back some lucky guys like us seem to carry it in our pelvis. YAY for us – not.

If you watch a child breathe or even your friends who look healthy and relaxed notice their stomachs puff up all happy and puff down again. This healthy breathing gently tenses the pelvic floor then releases it. It keeps the whole thing harmonious. I had become a stressed chess breather. I’ve had to re-learn and become mindful everyday about abdomen breathing again. This is whole topic in itself and I would suggest you google breathing properly yoga magazines and stuff will talk about his heaps.

Anyway I’ll be hanging around for a while to answer question. I just started taking magnesium yesterday. The bottle at the supermarket said it relaxes muscles so I thought why not? For all of your information I’ve taken no supplement and eat a pretty average western diet to accomplish this. I'd also recommend good mayo facial massages from a professional and time in a sauna. Ideally before the massage. Although honestly the work lies with you and getting your nervous system working for you again.



Ralding

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Re: I have the cure! Read here for the guide.
« Reply #4 on: September 19, 2013, 06:34:44 PM »
Oh here are the things that I roll around on all the time. The wooden block is there so that I can put the ball on top of it when I'm massaging my psoas and want to get deeper.

https://dl.dropboxusercontent.com/u/7990481/photo.JPG

Ralding

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Re: I have the cure! Read here for the guide.
« Reply #5 on: September 19, 2013, 06:36:51 PM »
Oh Bongo, my anus was completely numb too. In fact it was just very uncomfortable having that up there. Most men say that there g-spot is triggered up there. mine was numb. I sometimes get pleasure feeling now while it's up there.

lostmojo

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Re: I have the cure! Read here for the guide.
« Reply #6 on: September 20, 2013, 02:11:04 AM »
Ralding that's very encouraging to hear that you were numb generally and yet are finding a way out of it, thanks for sharing. I know I have very tight muscles in general so it's worth exploring your suggestions, I already have a foam roller and I have ordered a massage ball. On the positive side it will cost very little money to try out your strategy unlike numerous other things I have tried!

It's definitely not as sensitive as it used to be but to be perfectly honest I used to be a premature ejaculator. I would just feel waaaaay too much sensation and would often cum on contact with a female wet spot :) much to my girlfriend of the times dismay and my embarrassment. Once full numbness and desensitization set in I could go for as long as I wanted and then I would cum and feel absolutely nothing.

That is curious as I am the exact opposite. I was not a premature ejaculator when I could feel more than I do now. Now that I have almost complete sexual numbness I have very little control and strangely the less pleasurable the sexual position is the more likely I am to ejaculate. That is, a sexual position that barely tickles my penis is completely unmanageable whereas a position that feels "tight" gives me some limited control, how weird is that?

needhelpage31

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Re: I have the cure! Read here for the guide.
« Reply #7 on: September 20, 2013, 01:51:00 PM »
Ralding - thank you for your post. At least one other person has posted about muscle tension in the past. I even bought a foam roller. But I didn't use it for too long.

I believe this could be the root cause of my problem. I think I had prostatitis way back when, and I may have begun clenching my muscles in an effort to prevent leaking or dribbling urine.

Here's my main question for now: How long did you do the relaxation exercises before you saw improvement to your current level of 5/10?

RocketTN3

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Re: I have the cure! Read here for the guide.
« Reply #8 on: September 20, 2013, 03:52:15 PM »
Ralding, you've posted some really fantastic information there and when I get the chance I'm going to have a proper go at all this.

The day before my problems started, I masturbated in the shower but rather than stand like I usually do, I was sitting in the corner of the shower with my back resting on the walls with my feet on the floor, so all the pressure of my body was on my ass. I think it may have been the only time I've ever done this - do you think this pose could be at all related to the on set of my problems?? I recall slight numbness or tingling in my ass from sitting in this position while masturbating but once it became uncomfortable I stood up, finished showering and went to bed... Could I have caused some complications do you think ??? Sorry about coming across so scatter brained but I'm as excited now as I ever have been !!! It seems this could be a missing piece of the puzzle for me !

Ralding

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Re: I have the cure! Read here for the guide.
« Reply #9 on: September 25, 2013, 05:45:07 PM »
Ralding - thank you for your post. At least one other person has posted about muscle tension in the past. I even bought a foam roller. But I didn't use it for too long.

I believe this could be the root cause of my problem. I think I had prostatitis way back when, and I may have begun clenching my muscles in an effort to prevent leaking or dribbling urine.

Here's my main question for now: How long did you do the relaxation exercises before you saw improvement to your current level of 5/10?

I've been working at everything for about a month. I very quickly came to realise that my layers of tension were exactly that layers upon layers and I've been peeling back the onion so to speak. I really am convinced guys that this is the problem for like 99% of you it's not a neurotransmitter issue. I've had another couple of revelations today which I'm going to post below.

Ralding

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Re: I have the cure! Read here for the guide.
« Reply #10 on: September 25, 2013, 05:46:55 PM »
Ralding, you've posted some really fantastic information there and when I get the chance I'm going to have a proper go at all this.

The day before my problems started, I masturbated in the shower but rather than stand like I usually do, I was sitting in the corner of the shower with my back resting on the walls with my feet on the floor, so all the pressure of my body was on my ass. I think it may have been the only time I've ever done this - do you think this pose could be at all related to the on set of my problems?? I recall slight numbness or tingling in my ass from sitting in this position while masturbating but once it became uncomfortable I stood up, finished showering and went to bed... Could I have caused some complications do you think ??? Sorry about coming across so scatter brained but I'm as excited now as I ever have been !!! It seems this could be a missing piece of the puzzle for me !

Yes this could absolutely be part of the problem. You could quite easily have strained a muscle and it's now in a constant state of spasm. This spasm then could have a follow on affect on other muscles in your body.

Ralding

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Re: I have the cure! Read here for the guide.
« Reply #11 on: September 25, 2013, 06:00:43 PM »
So I've been doing more research and exercises and just generally palpating and probing the beejesus out of myself. Yesterday my orgasms went backwards a bit but I realised that I was carrying a bit more tension again. Today however after doing more trigger point release and doing some new exercises which I found on this brilliant website yesterday my orgasms are back feeling good again. It's almost a strange feeling to feel the muscles all moving without tension again. It's kind of liberating like a weight off my shoulders. Also I forgot orgasms actually not only feel good but when the ejaculate comes out it feels warm as it moves through your body! that's how numb I was I couldn't even feel it's warmth.

So anyway I've found that my glutes were a massive issue for me but not only that I think I've found the big culprits in my body. The Rectus Abdominus trigger points I had huge ones. releasing these and doing the exercises on the website below that I'm about to link made me actually feel my entire pelvic floor relax more and I also felt tension release inside and around my prostate and pubic bone. I've also been reading up on Bulbospongiosus and Ischiocavernosus and Perineum trigger points. which can be palpated externally through your penis. Mine was actually quite tense around there too. The real killer is I had new I was a little tense but it wasn't causing pain so I could go about my day normally and think not much was wrong. I know for a fact now that this low level tension through your muscles is NOT normal and causes issues.

The exercises on the website below are SOO good I can't recommend them enough. So hit those trigger points guys and start learning to breathe and release that pelvic floor and pay attention to all those muscles from the lower back, abdomen internal around the prostate the PC muscle and even the ones in your penis itself. I really believe you'll need to take 30 minutes a day and really spend time on your body and use you intuition and follow the tension out. Trigger points can keep coming back too so adjust your stess and lifestyle and posture etc so you're not bringing them back so quickly. In fact just become more aware of your mind and your body throughout the day keep an eye on that. This could take 6 months for some of you but I'm certain it can be reversed.

http://www.pelvicphysiotherapy.com/

Ralding

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Re: I have the cure! Read here for the guide.
« Reply #12 on: September 25, 2013, 10:00:55 PM »
Oh and one more extremely important muscle which will totally contribute to diminished orgasm. It's a bitch to isolate stretch and get to but it's made a big difference for me too. The Obturator Internus muscle which moves through your hip and attaches to your penis muscles and your abductor magnus in your thighs. Ok so this one was in a constant state of contraction for me. And if I pulled the tip of my penis I could actually feel that it was in spasm feels like a spasm on either side of your butthole inside your pelvic. try to find ways to contract isolate and stretch this muscles (the exercises in my above post will also help relax this muscle)

Here's the muscle, I think this is one of the holy grail muscles causing issues.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Obturator_internus_muscle

It also has an interesting nerve running through it which starts way up in your abdomen and moves all the way down through yor pelvis and into you thighs! I'll bet my arse that with the constant spasm this nerve is compressed and can't fire orgasm pleasure signals correctly to the rest of your pelvis. This is why we feel the build up but not the explosive orgasm. This muscle and nerve are supposed to contract together and cause a symphony of pleasure contractions instead all you get is a blocked wall of spasm which stopes the orgasm. You can read about it here.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Obturator_nerve

Once you've got all the muscles relaxed and under control of your nervous system again you'll need to start isolating and strengthening them to get your orgasms powerful again.

Well I really think this information will help some people. I truly hope it does. This is all I know and I've shared everything that I can think of to try and help. good luck peeps!

needhelpage31

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Re: I have the cure! Read here for the guide.
« Reply #13 on: September 26, 2013, 07:48:16 AM »
Ralding, I really appreciate the information. I will read through it all again, and see if I can start doing daily stretching and relaxing.

Please let us know if you think of anything else that helped.

And let us know if your improvement persists.

andrew_b

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Re: I have the cure! Read here for the guide.
« Reply #14 on: September 26, 2013, 07:57:26 PM »
I think you've nailed it Ralding, fantastic work mate! I've suspected for years that this was the most likely main cause but didn't really know how to go about addressing it. You've done great research here and shown us the way forward. Its a bizarre phenomenon in many ways because you can have all these tight muscle groups in your pelvis and not really be aware of it, plus the fact that they're hard to reach or even be aware of. Time for me to get the aneros massager and a small roller and get down to it.