Author Topic: Focus/attention?  (Read 7548 times)

Foon La Feen

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Focus/attention?
« on: March 06, 2013, 05:31:59 AM »
I am not sure should this be under psychology or physical, however...

One thing i've noticed that sometimes when i try, i am able to get better orgasm if i am able to focus on the woman's body, especially the shape or face. It is like taking attention away from what my sex organ/lower body is doing. Letting my lower body/body relax. I have some kind of autonomic reflexes which takes the control if i just let them. (my body starts to do things by itself). It doesn't feel much good at first but i am then feeling that there is building some kind of pile of pleasure little by little. And if i manage to get the pile high enough - i reach some sort of orgasm, sometimes it is very good, sometimes nothing to tell.

So sometimes i "say" to my body something like: "do what you want, i just enjoy the ride". It works sometimes. Just, i feel it terrible difficult to reach this kind of state. Like some kind of trance.

Is it about relaxing my body or my mind, or maybe both.

Thought, this haven't been the ultimate solution. Like i said, it is so hard to reach and the result is quite varying. There is highly likely something else in this condition too.

Currently my options are: dopamine, spinal problems, focus problems (which actually could be just symptom of dopamine deficiency or other neurotransmitters/hormones)


Anyone else noticed this kind of concentration/relaxation thing?

edit.
Just got on my mind something related/not related :)

If i abstain from any sexual behavior for few days, i am then able to do some kind of mental mb. It is also relaxation/focus related. Doing this causes initial physical reactions as i have experienced in wetdreams, which i have had just very few; gradually stronger and stronger and larger contracts near of groins and lower abs, which feels really good (but no orgasm/ejaculation). In wetdreams this had lead to orgasm/ejaculation. This doesn't usually happen if i have sex/normal mb. If this do happen, if i remember correct, i have then good orgasm. And if i touch my sex organs in this mental mb state, it just doesn't feel right. Strange.
« Last Edit: March 07, 2013, 06:09:49 AM by Foon La Feen »

pwman

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Re: Focus/attention?
« Reply #1 on: March 20, 2013, 12:38:38 PM »
Hi all,

 This started happening to me too 6 months ago. After years of having much pleasure, plenty of great orgasms regularly, I progressively started feeling weaker orgasms. In the last couple of days, I had seemingly ordinary ejaculations with no pleasure at all... How odd!

 I have not figured this out so far, but I have observations and experimentation to share in case it helps some of you.  My post is fairly long, in an attempt to be thorough. Sorry.  Please skip it if it's of no use to you.

 I am male, 51, in good physical health according to my latest annual exam. I've had a steady mostly vegetarian diet for years, do not take drugs, smoke, drink caffeine or alcohol. I exercise regularly and look a little younger than my age.

 I am in a 4 year old relationship with a man (if this offends you please skip over my post). My partner and I are monogamous and I think my partner is good in bed: gentle, affectionate, attentive, energetic, skillful. Until 6 months ago, I regularly had great orgasms during sex, peaks of pleasure throughout my body followed by a euphoric and relaxed state.

 Psychologically, I am fairly even keeled and so far managing well through challenges: a diy home remodel that's been dragging on for a year and half; a work crisis a year ago; an illness in the family for the last 6 months... But I do feel well loved by my family and friends and arrange for regular peer support to lift me up. My sleep and appetite are ok. My body does not hurt.

 My orgasms started feeling weaker and weaker 6 months ago. I remember the first time that it happened. My partner and I were caressing each other, and I was feeling connected and loved. He'd just had an orgasm. I'd waited for him as usual, and began allowing myself to orgasm by noticing the multitude of different pleasant sensations from my body. This flurry of sensations is what usually sends me over the edge.

 I had a distracting thought as I was feeling the build up: "Orgasms are so amazing, where do they come from in my body?" I tried to locate through the sea of sensations whether one part of my body was feeling stronger pleasure than the rest. And then, I ejaculated with almost no pleasure. It was like a surfer missing a wave when they are not positioned right to get on it. This experience has been on my mind ever since, sort of like a jinx. When I am near orgasm, the memory and question distracts me from surrendering to pleasure.

 As possible causes, I ruled out meds and diet by eliminating any new food or supplement that I started taking in the last 6 months (chocolate, vitamin C, lysine). I noted no increased pleasure or return of my usual orgasms.

 It does not seem possible that over-masturbation or penis skin thickening could be the source of the problem in my case. I masturbate once a week maybe, have sex with my partner about twice a week. I always use lubricant. My circumcised glans is very sensitive.

 I've experimented with sex by myself to see if I can have an orgasm more easily than with my partner: It's barely better. I experience maybe 30% of the duration and intensity of orgasm that I used to have 6 months ago.

 Since I experience this alone also, I don't think that a conflict with my partner is the main issue. Anyway, in the past, tension between us did not affect the quality of our sex, it only caused us to have sex less frequently. But my partner is the center of my sex life, and I do feel unhappy when we have not been communicating well outside the bedroom, so I am not ruling this out entirely as a factor. I did share the situation with my partner and, in bed, as usual, he's been attentive and eager to be helpful.

 A possible significant clue for me is that I get aroused normally. And I do experience normal pleasure up to the moment of orgasm. Only then does pleasure diminish suddenly. Perhaps I get worried and freeze up a part of my body or mind? I'm curious about a few leads I found on line about relaxing the pelvic floor.  I'm curious also about whether it'd be easier to orgasm by surprise, but I'm not sure how to set that up.

 At any rate, i am sharing all this hoping that it might help others who are experiencing ejaculation without orgasm. Perhaps comparing your notes to mine might lead you to some insight?

 I imagine that like me, this has caused you some distress, perhaps some nervousness or hopelessness about sex and romantic relationships. Hang in there, there's got a be way to work it out. In the mean time, I'm reminding myself frequently that I'm ok: I have other things to offer loved ones. I don't have to chase orgasms hard. I have plenty of pleasure with my partner anyway, and if I don't get to have an orgasm the way I used to, I can ask for other love treats. And I do keep hopeful.

 pwm

NoFun

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Re: Focus/attention?
« Reply #2 on: March 20, 2013, 03:15:57 PM »
Self monitoring, too much analysis, too much thinking, is often held as a cause. Relax and feel, without worrying about whether the orgasm is coming. Home behavioral therapy usually includes stimulation with no intent to create an orgasm, to shut off the monitoring and turn on the feeling.

Doesn't work for me, but it's standard advice.

sensation

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Re: Focus/attention?
« Reply #3 on: April 09, 2013, 08:56:14 AM »
Hi all,

 This started happening to me too 6 months ago. After years of having much pleasure, plenty of great orgasms regularly, I progressively started feeling weaker orgasms. In the last couple of days, I had seemingly ordinary ejaculations with no pleasure at all... How odd!

 I have not figured this out so far, but I have observations and experimentation to share in case it helps some of you.  My post is fairly long, in an attempt to be thorough. Sorry.  Please skip it if it's of no use to you.

 I am male, 51, in good physical health according to my latest annual exam. I've had a steady mostly vegetarian diet for years, do not take drugs, smoke, drink caffeine or alcohol. I exercise regularly and look a little younger than my age.

 I am in a 4 year old relationship with a man (if this offends you please skip over my post). My partner and I are monogamous and I think my partner is good in bed: gentle, affectionate, attentive, energetic, skillful. Until 6 months ago, I regularly had great orgasms during sex, peaks of pleasure throughout my body followed by a euphoric and relaxed state.

 Psychologically, I am fairly even keeled and so far managing well through challenges: a diy home remodel that's been dragging on for a year and half; a work crisis a year ago; an illness in the family for the last 6 months... But I do feel well loved by my family and friends and arrange for regular peer support to lift me up. My sleep and appetite are ok. My body does not hurt.

 My orgasms started feeling weaker and weaker 6 months ago. I remember the first time that it happened. My partner and I were caressing each other, and I was feeling connected and loved. He'd just had an orgasm. I'd waited for him as usual, and began allowing myself to orgasm by noticing the multitude of different pleasant sensations from my body. This flurry of sensations is what usually sends me over the edge.

 I had a distracting thought as I was feeling the build up: "Orgasms are so amazing, where do they come from in my body?" I tried to locate through the sea of sensations whether one part of my body was feeling stronger pleasure than the rest. And then, I ejaculated with almost no pleasure. It was like a surfer missing a wave when they are not positioned right to get on it. This experience has been on my mind ever since, sort of like a jinx. When I am near orgasm, the memory and question distracts me from surrendering to pleasure.

 As possible causes, I ruled out meds and diet by eliminating any new food or supplement that I started taking in the last 6 months (chocolate, vitamin C, lysine). I noted no increased pleasure or return of my usual orgasms.

 It does not seem possible that over-masturbation or penis skin thickening could be the source of the problem in my case. I masturbate once a week maybe, have sex with my partner about twice a week. I always use lubricant. My circumcised glans is very sensitive.

 I've experimented with sex by myself to see if I can have an orgasm more easily than with my partner: It's barely better. I experience maybe 30% of the duration and intensity of orgasm that I used to have 6 months ago.

 Since I experience this alone also, I don't think that a conflict with my partner is the main issue. Anyway, in the past, tension between us did not affect the quality of our sex, it only caused us to have sex less frequently. But my partner is the center of my sex life, and I do feel unhappy when we have not been communicating well outside the bedroom, so I am not ruling this out entirely as a factor. I did share the situation with my partner and, in bed, as usual, he's been attentive and eager to be helpful.

 A possible significant clue for me is that I get aroused normally. And I do experience normal pleasure up to the moment of orgasm. Only then does pleasure diminish suddenly. Perhaps I get worried and freeze up a part of my body or mind? I'm curious about a few leads I found on line about relaxing the pelvic floor.  I'm curious also about whether it'd be easier to orgasm by surprise, but I'm not sure how to set that up.

 At any rate, i am sharing all this hoping that it might help others who are experiencing ejaculation without orgasm. Perhaps comparing your notes to mine might lead you to some insight?

 I imagine that like me, this has caused you some distress, perhaps some nervousness or hopelessness about sex and romantic relationships. Hang in there, there's got a be way to work it out. In the mean time, I'm reminding myself frequently that I'm ok: I have other things to offer loved ones. I don't have to chase orgasms hard. I have plenty of pleasure with my partner anyway, and if I don't get to have an orgasm the way I used to, I can ask for other love treats. And I do keep hopeful.

 pwm

Hi pwman and all,

I also tend to think that I'm OK apart from this problem. Life is unique and we have to be positive we'll find a solution to this. In  the meantime, we have to use any resources we can find to make our lives worth living. I'm not going to surrender. I felt pleasure for a lot of years and I want it back. There must be more causes apart from SSRI meds, because I never took them, but I have the same problem as many have here. As an engineer, I see this as a problem in the nervous system.

I feel as if this has something to do with the returning signals, from the brain back to the erogenous areas in order to modulate pleasure intensity. I think that'd be the opioid system or something similar, as it is the system that modulates pain intensity. The sense of touch manages a lot of signals simultaneously (temperature, pressure, position, etc). I find it awfully strange that if all those signals travel together around the nervous system, I can't feel one of them particularly (pleasure). I think the signals must be somehow mixed because I've noticed slight changes in other sensations.

If you say that you can feel pleasure during the sexual session, but you don't feel anything when you ejaculate, there must be something blocking the sensation at that moment. My sensations feel blocked at all times, or I'd better say that they feel muted to a very low intensity, but still there somewhere.

Anyway I can feel other types of pleasure, so this all seems very strange. Well, I'm learning to live with these limitations.
   

pwman

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Re: Focus/attention?
« Reply #4 on: April 13, 2013, 10:54:57 AM »
Hi there

This is a heads up to tell you how I've seen some improvements.  You might say that I'm trading quantity for quality.

I had already ruled out diet and med causes (by trials) and decided to work on the thoughts and feelings.  One idea someone suggested on this site is that perhaps orgasm is elusive when we're not aroused enough by the time we ejaculate, that the pleasure build up iss not sufficient.  Something ringed right about this: If I am not sufficiently aroused and push myself towards orgasm, I can see how that could lead to ejaculation without pleasure.  Ejaculation is pretty much a reflex. Pleasure is an experience. 

To experiment, I figured I'd opt to pass on ejaculation unless my arousal is high and I am emotionally in a good place: relaxed, engaged, loving.  When my partner initiates sex, I do join in for support, but if I am anxious, tired, distracted, I simply skip ejaculation until a better time.  As a result, the last orgasms I've had were very nice, just like the old days before EA.

In the same spirit, I try to masturbate less frequently.  In the past, I sometimes masturbated when I was bored, tired, or nervous, to release the tension.  Now, I find other ways to relax.  It has helped me to avoid porn because even when I am bored, tired or nervous, it can lead me to "snack" mindlessly, in the same way that having junk food around does.  If I am in positive mindset and feel aroused by a fantasy or mood, I of course masturbate if I want to, with or without porn.

Anyway, perhaps some of you will find this helpful.  I imagine it might be more so to those who used to have pleasant orgasms and now experience EA.  Fortunately, this site is looking at AE from so many different angles, something will certainly help.

pwm

NoFun

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Re: Focus/attention?
« Reply #5 on: January 26, 2016, 04:27:08 AM »

I have some kind of autonomic reflexes which takes the control if i just let them. (my body starts to do things by itself). It doesn't feel much good at first but i am then feeling that there is building some kind of pile of pleasure little by little.
...
So sometimes i "say" to my body something like: "do what you want, i just enjoy the ride". It works sometimes. Just, i feel it terrible difficult to reach this kind of state. Like some kind of trance.

Anyone else noticed this kind of concentration/relaxation thing?

If i abstain from any sexual behavior for few days, i am then able to do some kind of mental mb. It is also relaxation/focus related. Doing this causes initial physical reactions as i have experienced in wetdreams, which i have had just very few; gradually stronger and stronger and larger contracts near of groins and lower abs, which feels really good (but no orgasm/ejaculation). In wetdreams this had lead to orgasm/ejaculation. This doesn't usually happen if i have sex/normal mb. If this do happen, if i remember correct, i have then good orgasm. And if i touch my sex organs in this mental mb state, it just doesn't feel right. Strange.

Interesting. I think I've had that feeling of automatic action once. It was masturbating in the shower, probably the first time I ejaculated. It was real altered consciousness, like I woke up after it was done kind of puzzled as to what had happened. I don't really remember pleasure, just a kind of automatic action that I didn't feel I was really driving. As you say "Like some kind of trance".

Do other people feel this?

What you described in terms of automatic reflex action, I've seen described by Moshe Feldenkrais, kind of a physical training/therapy guy.

That sense of relinquishing control to automatic reflex actions. This would argue for the need for all the hip/pelvic floor work that some people have said has helped them. The automatic reflex actions won't work if you have habitual, chronic tension in the associated muscles.

The only orgasm I recall was kind of the opposite, as I had real focus on what I was doing and feeling, and for some reason I was just more focused and intent on going forward. I started to have a kind of sharp, itching feeling on the underside of my head, but was still intent on going forward, and then I had my one orgasm of my life (that I can recall). Quite a spectacular thing. I don't know how other people leave the house if they can have that on demand. My eyes were closed, but I saw a big golden wet explosion in my head. And felt such a sense of bliss that I literally thought "wow, that's something to sell your soul for".

About wet dreams, I did a poll on that. As a group, we actually have much fewer of them than the general population. I would guess that whatever we do to have more of them is probably also bringing us closer to the general population, and therefore orgasms.

penny

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Re: Focus/attention?
« Reply #6 on: August 05, 2016, 07:52:18 AM »
Just relax and enjoy the moment.

Don't think about it!!!!!
healing my mind after my ffs surgery